Karofsky's Subconscious
by Violet-Purple
Summary: Dave Karofsky's thoughts during the episode Never Been Kissed.


I do not own the characters, settings, or any other ideas that were created by Ryan Murphy.

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By this time you had Kurt Hummel's schedule memorized. It was perfect to know that you could get your fix for beating someone between each class. You weren't sure why you knew Kurt's schedule more than any other Glee clubber, but it didn't really matter.

You walk though the hallways trying to find some male nerd, geek, or Glee clubber to harass, but your eyes lay on Kurt. You suddenly get this close to home feeling that you instinctively made yourself hate. A ball of fury churns inside of you, like there wasn't any person you hated more in the world than Kurt. Before you know it you shove him into the lockers walking away as fast as possible. You don't have the time or energy today to deal with him.

You don't go fast enough, so you hear the goth girl asks if he is alright, and you listen as he replies that he is. You are relieved to hear this to your surprise, but realize that if he is okay, then you can push him again.

Time to go home and with the satisfaction that you at least hurt Kurt once today.

Next day is the same routine. This time Kurt is by himself and it is easier access, so you push him hard into the locker.

Kurt yells, "What is your problem?"

Shocked he actually yelled back, but Oh, he is in for it now.

"You're talking back to me? You want a piece of the Fury!"

A threat that usually works for you.

"The Fury?"

Stupid that you have to explain what you meant.

"That's what I named my fist."

"Well, with that level of creativity you could easily become assistant manager of a rendering plant."

Why didn't that threat work? It always works. So he wants to be a smartass.

"I don't know what that is, but if I find out that it's bad, the Fury is gonna find you!"

The frustration grows when you realize that some fag is smarter than you; that you aren't on the same level. You push him on the chest slamming in the locker. It was more precise than slamming some other person into a locker because you knew the shape of his body by now. Knowing this can effectively produce maximum amount of pain. If you could only figure that out with everyone else you picked on, no one would ever be in your way.

You go back the other way you came and in realizing this you are more pissed off than ever that Kurt made you change direction, but you deal with it by shoving a nerd into a locker.

You go along with your day trying not to run into Kurt again, which wasn't hard since you knew his schedule, but were still anxious. If you had ran into him again you knew you would beat the shit out of him, and then would get expelled from the school, where you rule. The only place where you could feel in control.

At home in bed you think about the day, but the only thing that stands out is Kurt. You don't know why; maybe because he actually stood up to you. He has done it before, but today seem different, and it bugged you un-endlessly.

"Stupid Kurt," you think, "Get out of my head!" He doesn't leave, the words he said to you keep ringing through your mind. You consider for a second maybe it was stupid to call your fist "the Fury", and you really don't know what a rendering plant is, but you knew it was an insult. No, that's stupid, Kurt doesn't know what he is talking about.

The next week it was the same thing pushing him into the lockers. Before you did it you kept noticing the utterly delightful grin on his face, that was different than usual. It didn't make you happy, in fact, seeing him happy just made things worse off, but you coudn't find out why he was so happy so you had to stop it. You were thinking about this right at then in a class, and you decided to go after him to try and wipe that stupid smirk off his face.

You saw him looking intently on his phone with that look, again, so you knock it down and shove him in the locker.

You turn around to look at him satisfied with the fear you have put into his face, wishing he was gone and not just hurt.

Then you turn back around to go into the locker room.

"Hey!" you hear, and then Kurt comes rushing in the door, "I'm talking to you!"

You don't even look at him, because he isn't worth it but you say, "The girls locker room is next door," in hopes that he would go away. You have a lot of things to do and more importantly things on your mind you need to sort through.

But the insult didn't work he is still coming, "What is your problem?"

"Excuse me?" you say, though you know you shouldn't have asked, deep down you want him to ask again.

"What are you so scared of?"

That panicky feeling came again, the one you hate, the one that makes you uncontrollable, so you bolted out the first thing that came to your mind, "Besides you sneaking in here and peeking at my junks."

"Oh, yeah, every straight guy's nightmare all us gays are out there to secretly molest this and convert you." You try your best to ignore him, but he continues on, "Well, guess what, hamhock, you're not my type!"

As soon as you hear "You're not..." a pang of fear pulsed through you body, and when he finished what he was saying, the reason was becoming clearer.

"That right?" you ask, and again, you know you shouldn't. Though you had to know. Staring straight into Kurt's blue eyes you had to wonder why you weren't good enough. You were enought for women.

"Yeah, I don't do the chubby boys who sweat too much, and going to be bald by the time they are thirty."

This hurt more than the last thing he said, and you knew you were losing control.

"Do not push me Hummel!" you slammed your locker and raised your fist in his face. The look of fear spread again over Kurt's face and instead of feeling good about it this time, you wanted to take that fear off in whatever manner possible.

You hope he would go away, after that, but that face, that smooth milky face, had a yearning that you wanted to fix that look on his face, and he said, "You gonna hit me, do it!"

You should have punched him, now, but you weren't going to let him win. His slender body was as confident as ever, and the thought of ruining that face that was staring right back at you, made your hand stop.

"Don't push me!" you threatened again, while he said, "Go ahead an do it, because you can't punch the gay out of me more than I can punch the ignoramous out of you!" His confidence, his closeness was just too much, but weren't in control anymore. Your head screamed "Hit him, hit him!" but your body rebelled against you, and that feeling that you had in your stomach was growing every second you were close to him.

"Get out of my face!" you yelled, which you didn't know if it came out as more of command or a pleading for him to leave before you could stop yourself if this went on any longer.

"You're nothing but a scared little boy that can't handle how ordinary you are!"

The feelings inside you burst, and the next thing you knew you were kissing Kurt passionately. You felt his soft face that moved to his curved neck, and touched his hair which was a silky as you thought it was going to be. For a moment you were lost in this letting go of the burdens you had and it felt wonderful, but you realized after a moment Kurt wasn't kissing back. As much as you didn't want to stop, you stepped back to see how he was doing. A moan of relief, longing, and sadness came out of your mouth.

You realized why you memorized Kurt's schedule, why you know the layout of his body, why you wanted to know how he was doing, why he kept popping into your head, and why you missed him when you didn't see him. It wasn't him that you hated; it was yourself you hated.

Then you examined his face, which was shock, of course, but you had seen that a million times before and that didn't stop you from doing whatever you watever you wanted. And maybe, with any possible hope, you hoped that surpised look on Kurt's face led him to believe that you were what he wanted, but didn't know it this whole time, like you.

You went in for a second kiss feeling this time you can let it all go, this time he will understand, this time it will be better. But he pushed you away with the same look on his face, which now you saw was horror and revulsion loosing the little amount of hope you had.

Your leap of faith had dissappointed you, and his rejection made you angry. Nothing more in your life had hurt you so much that you almost wanted to hit Kurt in reliation. But what had rejected you so much was also what you realized you wanted more than anything, so you hit your locker with both your fists.

Wanting to get back to your normal life and leaving this pain behind you left, heaving in mounds of air, and letting it out so you wouldn't cry.

You barrelled down the hall trying to act as if nothing happened.

Not much later in the week you were walking donw a stair case and took a glimpse and saw Kurt with a guy. Why was Kurt with a guy, part of you wanted to know, but you were still angry and a part of you wanted to deal Kurt the pain of his life, but a part of you didn't want to deal with them, with facing Kurt again, but this time in public. So you keeping walking until the guy that is with Kurt says to you, "Excuse me?"

"Hey lady boys," you said to insult them, but you look back at the guy Kurt's with and see how good looking he is wondering why you couldn't be him, "Is this your boyfriend, Kurt?"

The guy ignores your question and moves on, "Kurt and I would like to talk to you about something."

Pissed off that he didn't tell you the answer, you decide to brush it off and say, "I gotta go to class," but still showing your bully status by pushing Kurt in the shoulder as you walk right between them.

"Kurt told me what you did." Omg, he knows, but play it cool, it didn't happen, I'll play his game.

"Oh, yea, what's that?"

"You kissed me," Kurt replied. Dammit, don't say it loud enough that everyone hears! Keep it cool, and no one will notice.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"It seems you might be a little confused, and that's totally normal...," you hear that guy say. You can't do this and don't have to; it was hard enough seeing Kurt with a guy who could actually help defend him. "...it's a very hard thing to come to terms with, and you should know that you are not alone."

You still hear him talking and want him to shut up as fast as possible, so you turn around and run at him saying "Do not mess with me" pinning him to the fence. This is what he deserve you think, shouting this out to everyone.

Kurt pushes you back before you have a chance to conitnue, "You have to stop this!"

There was no reason that needed to back down, but you did. You were shocked that he stood up to you again, especially for a friend. A huge guy like yourself shouldn't be pushed around, but Kurt's plea got to you somewhere inside. You look at Kurt, then at the guy cooly laying at the fence where you left him, and a pnag of jealousy runs though him realizng they would be closer together than you and Kurt would ever be. This feeling of confusion made your head reel, and you need to get away.

You left them alone trying to figure out and forget all your thoughts, hoping that no one saw.

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Most likely a one-shot, unless there is another interesting Glee episode or based on people's reviews.


End file.
